How Can Therapy Help You Reconnect and Set Meaningful Goals - Year-End Relationship Reflection

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Finding Hope - How to Use the End of the Year to Reflect and Grow in Your Relationship

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You've made it through another year. And if you're reading this, chances are you've been doing the hard work—showing up to therapy, having those difficult conversations, and trying to build something better in your relationship. Whether you're working on this with your partner or doing the work individually, that takes courage.

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As we approach the end of the year, I would like us to reflect on something important - how this transition period can actually become a turning point for your relationship.

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The holidays can feel complicated when you're working on your relationship. There's family stress, financial pressure, and those picture-perfect social media posts that make everyone else's relationship look effortless. Something I keep reminding myself: this time of year also offers us something precious—a natural pause point where we can reflect on how far we've come and set intentions for where we want to go individually or with a partner.

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Looking Back - Your Progress Matters More Than You Think

When was the last time you actually stopped to acknowledge the changes you've made? I'm guessing it's been a while.

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We're often so focused on what's still broken that we miss the small repairs happening right in front of us.

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Think about the last few months. Have there been moments when you caught yourself before saying something hurtful? Times when your partner really listened instead of immediately defending themselves?

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Or maybe you're working on this individually—have you noticed yourself responding differently, setting boundaries more clearly, or understanding your own patterns better? Maybe you had a difficult conversation that didn't end in a door slam or the silent treatment.

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These moments matter. They're not just nice-to-haves—they're evidence that change is real and that you're capable of showing up differently.

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This is an invitation -  Take time to reflect on your "small wins."

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If you're working on this together, sit down and talk about them.

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If you're doing this work individually, write them down or share them in your next therapy session.

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What would you have done six months ago that you didn't do this time? When did you choose connection over being right? One couple I worked with realized that they'd gone from fighting about the same issue every week to addressing it calmly once a month. Another client working individually realized she'd stopped reactively texting during arguments and instead took time to think before responding.

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That's not perfection, but it's absolutely progress worth celebrating.

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And let's talk about those arguments you've had. Yes, the ones that still feel uncomfortable. Dr. John Gottman reminds us that conflict isn't the enemy—it's how we navigate conflict that determines whether our relationship thrives or struggles. If you're learning to argue with the goal of understanding rather than winning, you're doing something incredibly valuable. That's not failure—that's growth in action.

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Letting Go of the "Perfect Relationship" Myth

Can I be honest with you about something? There's no such thing as a perfect relationship. I know the holidays can make it feel like everyone else has figured it out, but they haven't. What healthy couples have isn't perfection—it's resilience, repair, and a willingness to keep showing up even when it's hard. And I personally know it's hard, I try to work on all of this every day and sometimes I fail miserably and sometimes I succeed. I'd say that's pretty normal.

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The end of the year, with all its family gatherings and expectations, might test the progress you've made. You might find yourself falling back into old patterns when your in-laws make that comment or when the stress of gift-buying triggers a financial argument. That doesn't mean you've failed. It means you're human, and you're dealing with situations that would challenge any couple.

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Psychologist Galena Rhoades talks about the difference between "sliding" and "deciding" in relationships.

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Sliding is when we passively let things happen to us—we drift through conflicts, avoid difficult conversations, and hope things will magically improve.

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Deciding is different. It's about being intentional. It's about looking at your relationship and actively choosing what you want to create, whether you're making those choices together or focusing on what you can control from your side.

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This is your moment to decide rather than slide.

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Take some time to remember why you started therapy in the first place. What were you hoping for? What made you believe your relationship was worth fighting for? Whether you're both in the room or you're doing this work on your own, reconnecting with that "why" can reignite hope, even on days when progress feels slow.

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Creating Your Vision for the New Year

Now let's look forward—not with pressure or unrealistic expectations, but with genuine intention. What do you want your relationship to feel like this time next year?

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Start by revisiting the goals you set when you began therapy. Some might still resonate; others might need updating. Maybe you wanted to fight less, and you've made progress there. Now your goal might be to create more moments of joy together.

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Perhaps you focused on communication, and now you're ready to work on rebuilding trust or rekindling intimacy. If you're working individually, maybe your goal was to understand your patterns better, and now you're ready to practice setting clearer boundaries or asking for what you need.

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Here are some questions to explore:

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If you're working on this together:

• What's one thing we could do weekly that would make us feel more connected?

• How often should we check in about our relationship to keep small issues from becoming big ones?

• What's one way we could bring more laughter and lightness into our daily life?

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If you're working individually:

• What's one thing I could do differently that would improve how I show up in my relationship?

• What conversation have I been avoiding that I'm now ready to have?

• What boundary do I need to set or reinforce?

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Setting up regular check-ins is crucial—whether that's with your partner or with yourself. Think of these as relationship maintenance.

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For couples, this might be brief, judgment-free conversations where you share how you're feeling and address any concerns before they escalate.

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If you're working individually, this might be a weekly self-check-in where you journal or reflect on how you're showing up. Many people find that even 15 minutes of intentional reflection keeps them aligned with their goals.

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Building New Rituals of Connection

The holidays remind us of the power of ritual. Rituals create predictability, safety, and shared meaning.

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What rituals could you create for your relationship—or for yourself as you navigate your relationship?

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Maybe it's a standing Friday night date where phones are off and you actually talk. Maybe it's a Sunday morning walk where you discuss the week ahead.

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If you're working individually, maybe it's a daily practice of noticing one moment when you responded well, or a weekly reflection on what you want to bring into your interactions. One practice I love is the "Seven-Breath Forehead Connection"—you sit facing each other, foreheads touching, and simply breathe together for seven breaths.

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It sounds simple, but it creates a profound moment of presence and calm. Even if your partner isn't actively participating in therapy with you, you can invite them into small moments of connection like this.

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And please, remember to play. Laughter isn't just nice—it's neurologically powerful. It soothes your nervous system and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place. Watch that comedy special, play that board game, be silly together. These moments of joy aren't distractions from your healing—they're part of it.

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Moving Forward with Grounded Hope

The hope you're building in therapy isn't naive or passive. It's not about pretending everything is fine or ignoring real problems. It's an active, grounded belief that change is possible when you're willing to do the work—whether you're doing it together or starting from your own side of the relationship.

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As you move toward the new year, carry this with you: You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be intentional.

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You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up, even when it's hard.

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If you're working individually, remember that changing yourself changes the dynamic. Your growth matters, even when you can't control your partner's journey.

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Your relationship has lived through another year. You've learned things about yourself and possibly your partner. You've built skills that will serve you for years to come. That's something to honor.

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So here's to the year behind you—with all its struggles and victories.

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And here's to the year ahead—full of possibility, growth, and deeper connection.

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You're doing better than you think you are. Keep going.

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When to Seek Professional Support

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If you're stuck in patterns of hurt or disconnection, if past issues feel too overwhelming to handle alone, or if you simply want guidance through this major transition, couples therapy can be invaluable.

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This phase doesn't have to be navigated alone. Professional support can help you understand your responses to change and build even deeper connection for the years ahead.

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Book a free confidential introduction call to explore how you can be supported along your path forward.

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About the Author

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Evelyne L. Thomas is an experienced Mental Health Coach and Multicultural Couples Therapist and Coach based in Dubai specializing in cross-cultural relationships, interfaith marriages, and expat family dynamics.

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With experience supporting couples for over 10 years and over 40 years-experience of living and working in the UAE, she brings cultural sensitivity and holistic healing approaches to Mental Health and Relationship Therapies in the region.

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She works with English & French speaking clients online worldwide or in person in Dubai.

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All cultures, all backgrounds, all love stories are welcome

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Reference:

Gottman, J., &Gottman, J. S. (2024). Fight right: How successful couples turn conflict into connection. Harmony.

Owen, J., Rhoades, G. K., & Stanley, S. M. (2013). Sliding versus deciding in relationships: Associations with relationship quality, commitment, and infidelity. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 12(2), 135–149. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2013.779097

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